Childhood Memories

3. To imagine adulthood as a child I don't think I'd have to imagine it very hard. There were times when I was young that I was terrified because of so much responsibility and the flash of reality playing in front of me. I  remember one time, I was in Elementary, I went home and was waiting to see my parents faces happy with joy to see me, but they weren't there. I forget if they were out and about or outside but I searched the entire house yelling "Mommy" and "Daddy" with tears streaming down my face. When I finally went into our small hallway crouched down and cried into my knees just terrified because I thought my parents were gone. Another time was when my dad had the accident. Reality slapped me in the face at the age of 11 and I was terrified. Imagining childhood as an adult would be amazing. I would use that 24 hour period to go back to the days where I didn't know what reality was. I would spend all the time I could with my parents and family and not miss a second of it.

9. I wish I knew more about Colorado and the chance to move. Colorado is my get away and at times I wish I always had it. That I could just shut out the world for a 12 hour drive and just appear there and be happy. No drama. Not as much pain. Not as many tears. More love. More care. More comfortable. More laughter. I wish I didn't know how close death is. It has its ups and downs. It makes you careful, aware and you know that you should enjoy life as you have it. Enjoy the happy moments with family and not dread the bad ones. I know I have it good but the fear that has torn my heart up for the past 4-5 years hasn't healed. I don't know if it ever will.

28. It may sound weird but the smells of my parents and my grandma. The smell of my mum would comfort me at night when I would cuddle or even wear her Broncos t-shirt. The smell of my dad would make me happy because I didn't get to see him until dinner time or the next day even. The smell of my grandma and her house brought me both comfort and happiness because she made me so happy and comforted me when I was sad.

35. One nightmare I remember was I was outside of our house on the porch. Velociraptor's were everywhere along with a few dino's made up by my childhood imagination. My mum was inside on the phone I tried screaming to her to get away and be safe. But she didn't hear me. I woke up just before the raptors got her. I remember always running over to their room to see if they were okay.